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Tuesday, August 4, 2020

What to Do When Everything Else Works Out Fine but the Sex Doesn’t

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Sometimes when you get into a new relationship, it can be pretty filled with sex and other exciting stuff. But after a while you begin to feel like things are changing between you and your significant other when it comes to sex.

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Now you may start to ask yourself questions like; Am I the one with the problem, is it him, could it be that we are not really in love as much as we used to be? And the scariest of all the questions in your head would be; are we headed for a breakup so soon?

All these are very normal feelings and reactions from a couple who have everything else going on just great except the sex. All you have to do is take it easy on yourself and remember that if you genuinely love someone, you play your part in seeing that your relationship with them works out just fine.

Issues like this one often take some time, but they are usually resolvable, and in this article, you will find useful tips on how to turn things around for the best between the sheets.

Eliminate the chance of a health problem

Whenever sexual intimacy poses an issue for couples, It is advisable to check out for any medical reason, and this is done by consulting a doctor who will ask a few questions and possibly run some tests.

You might be sexually detached from your partner because you experience pains during sex or because of certain medication you are on that might be messing with your libido.

Check all of these possibilities and strike them off before you move on to checking out other likely causes.

Talk with your partner about it

This is usually a tough one for people because apparently no one would like to tell someone they are madly in love with that the sex doesn’t feel right. Sometimes it is difficult because you do not want to have them feel bad about themselves or becoming shy around you all of a sudden.

But if really you want a positive change in any area of your relationship at all you need to create effective communication between you and your significant other. It helps the both of you to understand each other better and save your relationship before things go from bad to worse.

When trying to start up a talk with your partner on issues related to sensitive aspects of your relationship, make sure to approach it from the angle of curiosity. Make your partner feel like you are inquisitive instead of assuming.

If you say something like “ I miss how we used to have lots of awesome sex when we first started, do you have any idea why we don’t do much of it these days?”  your partner just might give you a reasonable response that might lead to an actual conversation that yields a positive result.

But if you approach the issue with soothing that sounds like: “I hate that I don’t feel sexually connected to you anymore, It’s just not what I pictured our relationship would be like at this point”, You not only will annoy your partner , you will have them feeling bad and getting depressed because they might assume it is all their fault. The bottom line is, consider using a reasonable manner of approach so you can make head way.

Having talked about the manner of approach, it is vital that you point out what the exact problem is instead of beating around the bush. Point out the issue and also offer constructive advice on what you think can be done to help the situation.

When you offer an opinion on what you feel will solve the problem, allow your partner to express themselves and talk about what they have noticed and how they feel about the situation of things.

Get to the bedroom

Once you can have a reasonable conversation with your partner, both of you will successfully pick out tips that might be of help. It could be that you both agree on the need for more foreplay or maybe a change in environment, it depends. Whatever it is you choose to do, take it to the bedroom and put it to practice to see if things turn out differently.

Also, try and get creative in the bedroom, make you of sex toys, try out the anal sex if you are bold enough, engage in oral sex or even slot in a DVD with adult content so the both of you can watch as you do your thing. The point is to identify what works best to get your libido back up and have you riding on that penis like it’s the first time.

Do not be to shy to masturbate on your own as that is a sure way for you to identify what turns you on and gets you on the way to orgasm town. Tell your partner how you touch yourself and try and exp[lain the sensations you feel when you touch your body in certain ways.

If you can go all the way to even masturbate in front of your partner just to show them first hand how you have been doing it, then, by all means, go ahead.

Seek external help

If you have tried all the tips you have gathered around from the web, and you have also tried talking thing out with your partner without experiencing any noticeable changes, you might have to result to seeking external help.

Several summits hold across the world for couples who are experiencing a disconnection; you can apply to attend any of them and see how that works for you. Seeing a sex therapist is also very advisable but before you make a move to book an appointment, make sure to talk to your significant other and reach an agreement.

If you have not been completely honest with your lover about what you suspect the problem is, seeing a professional is an excellent opportunity for you to come clean.

Be sure your heart hasn’t strayed too far

One very prominent reason why people feel disconnected from their partner during sex is that they no longer love them, or they are sexually attracted to someone else. If you are falling out of love with your current significant other, then it might be difficult to resolve the problem you are having between the sheets.

It is best that you let them know the truth early enough instead have them suffer inside, hoping to solve the problem someway somehow.

Emmanuella Ekokotu
Ekokotu Emmanuella is a sociologist and Anthropologist, writer, and fashion model who lives in Benin city, Edo state,Nigeria.

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