Reality star Kim Kardashian was once cautioned by her doctors to stop having too much sex following revelations about the star’s daily multiple sex routine in effort to get pregnant.
Kim, who was 34 at that time, had revealed in the Season 10 of their family reality show “Keeping Up With The Kardashians” that she and husband, Kanye West, were having “the best sex of their lives” and were going at it about 15 times a day in the effort to give their daughter North West a brother or sister.
During a preview for the show, Kim confessed to have “been having sex 15 times a day” but was forced to have a rethink after doctors warned categorically that too much sex was dangerous to her health.
There are many couples like Kim and Kanye (and not just in Hollywood) who are hooked on sex orgies and realising almost too late that too much sex can be too much of a good thing. Sex is a normal, healthy, fun part of adult life. Sexual attraction and sexual compatibility are the basis of many successful relationships.
Sex is good and glorious, but the truth is that too much sex is no just as bad as too little sex, if not worse. While science suggests sex can improve mood and decrease anxiety by reducing stress signals in the brain, excessive indulgence can interfere with overall quality of health.
In fact, it is known that a large appetite for sex can cause loss of appetite for other things including food. Scientists have suggested that people that spend their life on frantic love-making and engaging in marathon sex might not find happiness at the end of it all.
“Engaging in too much sex can actually cause unhappiness, if findings by researchers from Carnegie Mellon University are to be taken seriously. They instructed 32 married couples to double the amount of sex they were having, while a control group of 32 other couples kept having sex at their normal frequencies.
When questioned afterwards, the couples who had sex more weren’t happier – saying that the increase in frequency led to them feeling less desire for each other.
The couples also enjoyed having sex less when they were ‘doing it’ more. “The desire to have sex decreases much more quickly than the enjoyment of sex once it’s been initiated,” said Tamar Krishnamurti, a scientist at the College.
So how much sex is ideal, and how much is too much? According to research, youngsters aged 18- 29 have sex an average of 112 times per year, while 30-39-year-olds engage in it an average 86 times per year.
So if that’s average, what’s healthy? Experts say most couples in a relationship should be having sex at least once per week. According to a therapist Dr. Barry McCarthy, sex once or twice a week is healthy.
“During the honeymoon stage, when two people can’t stop thinking about each other, couples often have sex every time they’re together. And when couples first move in together, the frequency of sex increases, but only temporarily.
Sexual obsession or hypersexuality, compulsive sexual behaviour, sex addiction and other forms of excessive indulgence in sex could be a sign of loneliness or depression. A study published in 2013 suggests that much of the time, hypersexuality is really just “high desire” and not necessarily a medical issue.
Regardless, if sex is being used as a substitute for dealing with a real issue, it requires therapy. “What matters at the end of the day is the quality rather than the quantity.
Having sex daily doesn’t mean it’s too much, so long as both partners enjoy it,” sex therapist, Dr Ian Kerner noted. But if partners are regularly having sex and one person feels more satisfied than the other, sex can start to feel like a chore for the less-satisfied party.
Really there’s no right way to go about sex, and the preferred amount of sex varies from person to person. For instance, the average male ejaculates three to six minutes after sex begins, so the majority of women don’t feel too left out because most don’t achieve orgasm through penetration alone.
“Sex is a bilateral experience,” one expert mooted. “Both partners ought to be instrumental in its choreography and neither one should ever feel that they are being forced to adhere to the other’s agenda.
“For a fulfilling sex life that’s just right, it’s helpful to be honest and open with your partner about how frequently you’d like to be intimate. And that doesn’t mean it needs to be a boring discussion.
Telling your partner about your desires—in specific terms—can be highly erotic.” One study found that couples who communicate about sex, especially during the act, are more sexually satisfied. So there should be mutual enjoyment, whether that means giving or getting.
That said, if you ever feel overwhelmed (either physically or emotionally) by the kind or amount of sex you’re having, let your partner know you need a break. Sex can be dangerous if there’s any sort of pressure or force to do something with which either party isn’t comfortable. Having sex on the regular is part of a healthy, normal adult life.
But when sex gets in the way of your day-to-day, it might be time to seek professional help. Appetites for sex grow and shrink, and successful couples are compelled to manage those ups and downs. Sometimes libidos will match up, but when they don’t, Kerner says everyone should take responsibility for their own sexuality.