When the news of singer and songwriter Lily Allen, admitting to having sex with female escorts during her Sheezus tour in 2014 became viral, I wasn’t entirely surprised because it is a character a lot of music star has adopted.
I mean, a lot of men find it satisfying to pay a beautiful sexy woman to warm their bed and ladies can do that too if they so wish. Sex is a craving that humans seek to satisfy in whatever way possible so if Lily satisfies her urge by getting naughty with hot girls and offering them cash, who are we to judge?
However, in an interview, the singer elaborated on the story saying that “It was more about a period when I was feeling incredibly lonely, and sort of at my wits’ end, and I was looking for anything – looking for an outlet. So it’s not really, like, a salacious sex story. It’s more about [being in] hotel rooms like the one we are sitting in, and being on my own and being very far away from my kids and my husband.”
Yes, Lily might have become part of the clique of famous people who patronise escorts but she has also confessed to being lonely which is something a lot of people are too coward to admit. If getting together spend time with sex workers takes that loneliness away even for a moment, the comfort and company should be worth it.
The sex industry is one that has been looked down on for various reasons one of which is moral standards. Some people see the industry as a dumping ground for women with no self-respect and low self-esteem who are willing to offer mechanical unenjoyable sexual intercourse to anyone who is willing to pay the right price. People who see the industry in this light cannot also be judged as it is their understanding of the services rendered by commercial sex workers, but there is a likely chance they are missing the point.
While it is a terrible thing that men do to cheat on their partners with sex workers, sometimes the reason they do it is beyond the sex but to have some emotional needs met. Men who are in relationships or marriages yet feel lonely or unwanted by their spouse could seek to fill that void by visiting brothels instead of going into a new relationship with someone else.
Even women patronise male sex workers, but the stigma isn’t as pronounced as that of men who do the same thing (That’s unfair if you ask me). But regardless of the gender of the worker or the customer, the point remains that needs beyond sex are met.
People need to feel wanted, desired, to be held close, touched in unique ways, and sometimes people just want to talk and seek advice from random people even if they have to part with cash to get what they want. And sometimes, people like Lily who get lonely just need company, and they don’t care who gives them that attention.
Something is interesting about a no-strings-attached relationship with other people who can make you feel heard and can listen to all your confessions without giving you a penance (no offence to the priests).
Why do people feel comfy with visiting brothels?
One possible reason is that people feel they can confess all their secret thoughts and desires to people in brothels without being judged and there is an 80% chance you will never cross paths with the sex worker who you pour your heart out to outside the brothel. The thought that no matter what confessions you make, it might be nothing as terrible as the things that happen in such an environment that oozes of sex, smoke, drugs, and alcohol. Weird people are the perfect people to share your fucked up feelings with because they could careless as long as you can afford the price for their time.
Why not seek the service of a mental health professional instead of a sex worker? Well, in some countries like Australia where there are brothels in almost every city and town, and it quite easier to book an online appointment with a private sex worker than it is to get an appointment with a mental health therapist, you can’t blame people for choosing the easier option as long as they get to bear their minds and be listened to.
Do you want to see a doctor? You just might have to be on the waiting list, but the brothel provides a meeting place with available workers who are always set to attend to you at the speed of light.
Sex workers provide a support system for not only their client but also one another. If you get the chance to interact with this set of individuals, you will discover a different worldview and a vulnerability that is masked with a tough and careless outward appearance.
While people might have judged Allen for her confessions, the fact remains that Allen has never identified as a lesbian, so there is no proof that she had sex with the female escorts.
However, the singer said in an Instagram post that: “I’m not proud, but I’m not ashamed. I don’t do it anymore”. (“I’m not proud because I was married at the time,” she clarified in the comments).
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Sooo, in my book ‘My Thoughts Exactly’ (out on 20th Sept) I detail some stuff from my dark days, around the Sheezus era. I slept with female escorts when I was on tour, cause I was lost and lonely and looking for something. I’m not proud, but I’m not ashamed. I don’t do it anymore. The Mail are gonna run with the story tomorrow cause someone leaked it, and they’re bound to make sound worse than it was. Just wanted to give you Er, the ‘heads up’ ! #LINKINBIO
Lily Allen is only one of the many women who has had to visit brothels, so it is not rare to have females become clients of sex workers. However, we do not advise that you buy into going to a brothel to seek help. If a listening ear is actually what you ask, we suggest that you talk to loved ones or see a mental health therapist for professional attention.